It was a day of firsts… The first time I’d been to church since my freshman year of college. The first time I’d been to been out with my family since I moved. It was also the first time I’d laughed at a funeral.
Ray, the father of one of my best childhood friends, passed away this week. He’d been fighting cancer off and on for at least ten years. Two years ago, he found out he had sever skin cancer. He fought and fought and somehow beat it…until a few months ago when he found out he had liver cancer. The tired old guy just couldn’t do any more fighting.
In all the years I’d known Tom his father seemed, at least to my pre-adult mind, like an uncle. He was always looking out for me, particularly during my ADD years. He always had a goofy grin and a silly joke. So it just didn’t seem fair that such a great guy came down with something so horrible.
Just as I was thinking about this during the funeral, Nancy stepped up to the podium to give the eulogy. She called her husband a stubborn and pig-headed man, which of course was true and brought a small chuckle out of everyone at the church. Right after that, she called the cancer the best thing that had ever happened to him. He stared to pay attention and live again, she said. Of course, you could see people crying but she believed this was a celebration of his life, so she just went on. I know she was breaking on the inside, but I really wasn’t surprised she was trying to make everyone laugh a little. Thats just the type of people Nancy and Ray are, trying to make everyone feel better with a little joke.
I never really got a change to tell Ray how much I appreciated or liked him. When your just a kid, you really don’t think that way. Of course, after high school, Tom and I stopped hanging out as much, so I never really saw his father. By the time I realized how great he was, it was just too late. So Ray, wherever you are (if in fact an afterlife exists), just know that everyone who ever had the chance to get to know you will sure as hell miss your silly grin. You were a wonderful father and a great uncle.